Last October 1, the Light Rail Transit Authority ushered in the Christmas season by playing their first ever Christmas album! It was simultaneously played in all LRT Stations, trains, and comfort rooms, to a captive audience whose sole purpose now is to know: 1) whose idea it was to play it, 2) where he lives, 3) how much trinitrotoluene cost. In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, LRT officials is treating hapless commuters to a round-the-clock medley of Christmas carols, most probably sung by LRT employees, guards, and stray dogs. I still have to find out their purpose, whether to raise money, raise awareness of Christmas, or nudge terrorists to jump into the tracks. Incidentally the album contains just two tracks named Monumento and Baclaran, joined in one continuous loop.
I immediately thought it reminded me of 2 things: 1) we better rush buying Christmas presents because it’s only 85 days to Christmas and Koreans or Chinese might snap up all presents in the market; or 2) the LRT Chief is a former jail warden who got sacked by the Commission on Human Rights for jamming prison airwaves with Air Supply and a medley of Christmas songs, two potent jailbreak deterrents.
Preso 1: “Pare, tatakas tayo mamayang gabi!”
Preso 2: “Sige pare, di ko na kaya dito!Puro na lang Air Supply!”
(insert Christmas medley)
Preso 1: “Naririnig mo ba yun?”
Preso 2: “Oo nga ano? ….The weather outside is frightful…”
Preso 1: “…And since we’ve no place to go…”
Preso 2: “Dito na lang tayo pare..”
Preso 1: “Oo nga…When we finally kiss goodnight...”
So that is why the jail warden is now an LRT Chief. Anyway, I already see the quick results of this LRT Christmas Tracks. I’m now humming Christmas songs while peeing (or is it the other way around? hmm); more commuters now wear mittens in 32oC; booth tellers are now selling castanas inside the stations (..Isa pong Doroteo Jose, tsaka isang kilong castanas), and the guards are now dressed as Frosty…
Don’t laugh! Thanks to their disguise, these Frosty-the-snowguards have actually caught pickpockets, lascivious old men dressed as elves, and imposters of Santa Claus who hide kilos of castanas under their belly. They even caught Olof, the evil reindeer who used to bully Rudolf (…Olof, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names…)
Anyway I hope the LRT Christmas Album does well in the box office, strong enough to kick the hell out of Jose Mari Chan who runs a monopoly of Christmas songs.
